silent cries

2007-09-30T16:15:00.000+08:00

ok i moved to wordpress

www.silentcries.wordpress.com

2007-09-29T05:02:00.000+08:00

few things to announce

1) due to my hardwork LOL to promote my deviantart, pageviews have significantly increased within a month, like a 4-500 page views!

2) CAVEMAN PROJECT HAVE OFFICIALLY TAKEN OFF! all of a sudden when i'm supposed to go to slp (tml got badminton with hazel)
this caveman project took over my mind and i started typing down things about it and proposal to my dear teammates

SO YES I FOUND MY FIGHTING SPIRIT!

3) FIVE FREAKING MONTHS TO FUSION! GUYS, DO OR DIE!

2007-09-25T23:50:00.000+08:00

haha..

bla.

2007-09-25T05:40:00.000+08:00

this is just pure madness

i'm seriously stunned

never in my life i am blown away by such a crazy anime

it just gets bigger and bigger

BIGGER AND BIGGER

till it sucks you IN

INTO IT

it's 5 45am AND IT'S BURNING ME INSIDE

GURREN LAGANNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

HOLY FUCKING ANIME

WATCH IT DAMN

WTF MAN THIS ANIME IS HOLY

2007-09-24T05:25:00.000+08:00

ueno juri~~~~

omg i love her! she's really cute!

ok that aside her acting is guuuuud!!!!

i LOVE HER IN NODAME AND SWING GIRLS!!!!

heh when she smile she looks so sweet. but can u believe she's from gravure? -.-

ar that doesnt matter anymore for she wont go back to gravure anymore just like erika

it's been a very musical day for me, in fact these past 2 days. nodame cantabile is NICE! especially if you're into classical music and orchestra pieces, this is the drama for you!

well there's anime ver but i just skipped over to drama after 5 eps of anime since i find live action more interesting and ueno juri is CUTE! XD

she played nodame very well. the sillyness and naivity is pure!

nodame's about classical music.
swing girls' about jazz!

both = nice
both i also like!

oh no i'm turning into a anime/drama/tv junkie
AGAIN?

ok but i feel inspired!!!

2007-09-22T04:30:00.000+08:00

i watched nodame cantabile and gurren laggan after being recommended by balhaza and zs respectively

arrr

both good anime!

i watch gurren laggan until super high

no joke!

just finished ep 3

omg damn high XD

2007-09-21T02:43:00.000+08:00

what is art?

i just wanna put smiles on people.

lol.

anyway i'll finish the collab i did with u if u ever remember.
a proper ending =]

2007-09-20T04:54:00.000+08:00

i think up till now i blog pretty regularly.

it's like 4 years already. wow.

lately i've become more positive in terms of knowing myself

at the very least i dun ask myself why do i live on this earth for so oftenly

for now just do wad i should and have to

i need to improve on my drawing
i'm getting really inspired and stuff.

doing a YUI portrait now with all my effort and heart, i can see fruits of labor bearing.

also taking this opportunity to burst this ego bubble of mine to experience how such work is actually done.

it's not easy. dun look at ppl's work and scrutinise, think about the process of doing it not the end.

so yep, creating more new works and oh i HAVE TO GET my minor ready asap.

some characters in mind:

le' mao
HP
MP
EXP

i feel like doing a portrait of aya hirano, she's a pretty talented and cute seiyuu/singer

i got a photobook scans and she actually looks pretty cute there
(cmon there's not even bikini shots so yep i'm a decent guy actually LOL)

what ever it is, lemme finish the YUI portrait and minor stuff 1st.

YUI FTW!!!!

2007-09-18T20:52:00.000+08:00

i dreamt about you sitting in an exam with me.

someone i dun remember arranged it so that u could sit beside me

u said u had something to say to me and i said.

i'm not interested to hear.

hmmmmm. bla what does it matter lol

2007-09-17T02:29:00.000+08:00

pri sch class outing.

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

very nostalgic.

what can i say hmmmm
yea nostalgic really.

one thing is lol
it feels very anime
for that part where i was able to take a REALLY short walk with my crush last time coincidentally.
she's still pretty much the same, soft spoken and whats not. some typical anime girl character u know haha.

it felt really nice as when i was pri sch i didnt talk to her. i run away from her whenever i see her thanks to her bestie LOL. who shooed me away during class and that cause my phobia.

so anyway my impression of her didnt really change much after 7 years.

certainly dun have that kind of crush on her anymore la DUH.

but at least it was v nice to have a chance like this.

another amazing thing is that only now i realise SO MANY of my pri sch classmates live around my area -.-
in fact there's one just live TWO blocks away from me.
she said she always walk under my block to get home. BUT FOR 7 FREAKING YRS I NVR SEE HER!

yet another thing is.
i feel that i haven grown up. well...
not really la but. i see some smoking (vincent ar u -.- hide it from for 1 whole yr wtf)
one even had baby already gonna marry soon.

wow.
me? i'm just a student doing what a student is doing.
still i dun see a need to change myself, unless talking about physical aspect though.
time really flies. i wonder what i'll be like 7 yrs later =o

2007-09-14T12:49:00.000+08:00

i was urinating in at a urinal.

think of the toilet.... as like the sentosa beach there one. pretty opened and stuff.

but it feels like school.

so as i was peeing, a bunch of girls with those toilet scrubs entered.

i was kinda shocked. just nice there's one urinal beside me so one girl, kinda cute as far as i can remember approached me.

i was frantic but i dunno wad to do! i looked at her and smile, hoping that it'll divert her attention.

she looked at me and smile too.

so after that she explained that this is sorta her CCA (WTF RIGHT)
the supervisor didnt like their standard so they had to clean the guy's toilet too.

so this incident was over, i was telling some unknown guy, shouldnt they put up a board or a notice that cleaning is in process? at least ppl can know.

ANYWAY THIS IS ALL A DREAM.
WTF!

i woke up just to blog this. -.-

2007-09-14T04:10:00.000+08:00

HP aka Health Points - Male attendant of Blood Bank, in charge of keeping the blood.

MP aka Magic Points - Female nurses carrying various jabs of steroids.

EXP aka Experience Points - Old wise dog that keeps feeding you with knowledge.

2007-09-12T04:15:00.000+08:00

ok. today lemme 1st give credit to mr kingston too.

no pun behind cos he really helped me alot today on choosing various part of my pc.
literally spent the whole day. he's patient, and help me seek shops after shops.

so yea thanks kingston!

next.
now 22" is suddenly everything become so small LOL. like..... suddenly my blog become so tiny.
i have no idea wad i should do now. actually even this blog box i type in looks smaller.

the down side of this is that i bleed badly.

2.3+++ in the end.

but afterall i'm a happy man with a new com =]. ok bb

2007-09-11T22:56:00.000+08:00

22" ftw!!!!!!!

more info later =]

2007-09-10T02:59:00.000+08:00

just because of this incident i decided to blog.

i was listening to songs with my headphones. so one song ended i just casually turn around to look at my room.

i jumped a little cos a cat walked out of my room so nicely.

it's kinda sad but i had to let it leave the house. it kept meowing and if u know me, i actually like cats to quite some extent (but i cant keep them since my mother doesnt allow, any pets or sorts)

i figured it squeezed into my house from the door, u know those metal frame. so i carried it and tried to fit its head with it.

apparently that looked crazy and i have no intention of hurting the cat, it's so adorable.
i opened the door and carried it out a little

kinda painful as it looked reluctant to leave.

blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa..... on a brighter note it feel really nice to carry it. been EONS since i've touched any cats really. it's obedient and cute =[

2007-09-08T04:40:00.000+08:00

i'm on anime spree~~~

actually god knows by aya hirano is pretty nice
for the fact that the intro by the electric guitar is DAMN SHIOK

but it's just weird to know that she sang cha la head cha la for lucky star XD

okok bbbbb

2007-09-06T03:43:00.000+08:00

ummmm a fanart pixel id for konata
and a pixel id for myself =]

2007-09-05T04:06:00.000+08:00

updates

1) this is the 3rd wk of holidays.
2) watched lucky star till the latest ep
3) bought a sennheiser 515
4) rewatched 1 litre of tears ep 8

5 more weeks to school.
i suddenly feel weird. after all these i'm back again in sch as a student? but well... i guess it's all good. i need more motivation, more competition to keep me up.

watched lucky star. totally love it. i totally love konata. and i must also credit aya hirano for bring the character out so well!
everyone in school is scrutinizing every piece of art and story they come across. to an extent i feel sick and tired of thinking how story progresses.
lucky star is a perfect escape for relief for me. =]

today zs and me go to jaben@adelphi to look for his amp and look for my headphone.
just nice my onto died on the left side without apparent reason.
tried 515 and it's really nice. still in the midst of getting used to it though. well cos of the weight. other wise it's really perfect for now =]

guess what. i watched 1lot again. i dunno why. i just feel like reliving the moments. feel emotional. to see what i was like in the past. i mean, what did i feel when i was 1st watching it. again i cried. ok i mean tear. but it feels good. i haven cried for a long time, for a 'better' cause..
many lessons can be learnt from aya. i reviewed some values from the story for myself. in fact i feel more positive despite the tearing.

in the end.
i wanna find myself back again. the all positive. all clear headed. the me who had clear goals, no matter how short term it is. i had a positive clear goal. i took too big a step further and find myself lost in my own thoughts.

and you. it's been half a year. it still pricks. i dunno why. anything i see anything i thought of i can still somehow relate to you. feeling bitter in the end. it's just me i guess. i know, logically u will not read this blog anymore. but maybe you, or your friends who see this entry can do me a favor. to let me feel better as a human, as someone who have feelings. it might see minor to anyone but it just doesnt feel right. remove my links from your blog.

ultimately, i think i will be able to find myself back. =]
today's a lil emotional but it ended up still kinda positive isnt it.
yea thanks to 1lot =]

tsk... my blogging habits good right. show u all summary of what i gonna blog about.
if lazy can just read summary =p

2007-09-04T01:37:00.000+08:00

TIMOTEI!!!!

sorry for being in love with lucky star and konata LOL

2007-09-02T13:00:00.000+08:00

i dreamt.

very vivid.

i held someone's hand. i dun really know who she is. but seems familiar.

the feeling was so real.

but the ending was nothing.

even in the dream i know it's just a dream.

she disappeared in the end.

but the feelings were so real.

really.

2007-08-29T03:52:00.000+08:00

i wish i can post something more now but not really LOL

1) eh sorry to stan drea and lis for not coming to watch movie with u all on fri =o

2) OMG LUCKY STAR IS SO CUTE LOL! I LOVE KONATA!!!! OMG LOL!!!!

2007-08-20T02:28:00.000+08:00

randomed yakusoku in my mp3 player.

umm nostalgic.

been 5.5 months.

i guess i'm used to this and accepted the reality.

but forgetting takes time.

i made it sound like something big happened 5.5 months ago. -.-

well.. in a way. yes for me.

2007-08-20T01:29:00.000+08:00

didnt have any blogging mood

even today.

just some updates and reminder to self

updates
1) i bought white zen stone plus; not bad
2) watched secret; quite nice
3) iap ended; weird feeling
4) 2 months of hols; wow...
5) safety at work later, $$$$
6) guitar not much progress; jiayou ba
7) attachment pay + other $$$ = new pc
8) movie spamming next wk = $$$ gone

reminders
1) do YUI portrait; like duh
2) revamp felise; like duh again
3) start on minor; DUHHHH
4) diet, YES DUH
5) exercise; DUH LA
6) finish zanarkand and good bye days
7) practise more drawings; rusty
8) tidy up room
9) BACKUP DATA BEFORE NOAH'S ARK

ok i've done enough updating and reminders =] bb for now

2007-08-10T02:16:00.000+08:00

bnn's wishlist

1) personal computer (coming soon)
2) mp3 player (is zen stone plus good? TELL ME)
3) acoustic guitar (not urgent at all)
4) YUI's My Generation single
5) new headphones, those big big with holy sound quality type.

today ummm
national day celebration
details tml.

2 16 am now! wtf!

pls feedback about zen stone plsssssssssssssss

2007-08-05T01:40:00.000+08:00

hm bored.

how long has it been.

5 months?

i wondered if my feelings have faded.

maybe i really need to watch a sad film to cry to relieve the feelings lol

2007-08-04T12:58:00.000+08:00

laughing and crying.

ok i just watched a korean programme that scientifically researches this 2 topic

in general, both action prove to improve health and relax body!

i'll keep this real short cos i'm lazy to explain

laughing

1) laughing hard is equivalent to walking = exercising
2) exercises facial muscles which in turn improve brain activity.
3) relieves stress, let someone become happier

note) even 'performed' laughter can be beneficial. so do laugh more even though u are not happy. our brain will get a message that we might be happy and hence relaxes our mind.

crying (with emotion e.g sad/happy)

1) releases a chemical from our brain that induces stress out from our eyes (less stress)
2) heals painful memories
3) heals depression; when princess diana died (ironically), alot of ppl recovered from depression due to crying over her death.

interesting stuff isnt it?

i watched simpsons yesterday and i laughed hell lot! LOL!
maybe i'll watch 1 litre of tears to cry hell lot!

so to readers out there. pls laugh and cry oftenly! LOL

2007-08-03T00:09:00.000+08:00

okok

finally got the mood to blog.

couple of things to mention

1) hopefully i'll change my blogskin soon.
the red is pretty jarring to me and the small fonts pretty much kill my own eyes.

2) iap will be over in... 11 working days. that translates to 2 solid weeks left.

2a) good and bad. in this iap i learn alot about flash and understand more about character designing. how do u make ur character stand out? not some character that flashes his/her/its high detail costume or wadsoeva.
aiya. long story.

2b) office work is very dry. i mean in general. in fact design work and i think our field is less dry already but omg. i dun think i can survive such staleness seriously.

2c) her voice is very cute (dun gimme me unneccesary comments like ur taste bad and whats not. YEA IT'S MY TASTE) pretty cute looking too. but yea just at least something out of pure work and stuff.

2ci) another female colleague has a strange sense of attractiveness in her. (ly dun ask me who she is cos the answer is i will not answer). hmmmmm ok but whateva who cares right.

3) guitar has been progressing well. many thanks to jerry potty (well i mean loo) for giving me his classical guitar. with that i can explore the difference of acoustic and classical. plenty of differences. wanna know? google them =]

3a) zanarkand learnt halfway already. it's like a long journey. i learn it really slow zzz. but satisfaction is coming each time i learn a line. but i think the tab i play... hmmm someparts i dun really like wor so i changed it abit to suit my liking lol. i've been playing guitar on a daily basis!

3b) so all these makes me wonder if i should get another a.guitar since my current one isnt really good. but i dunno man. time will decide.

4) life is normal. nothing much to talk about. yea. work lunch work dinner com tv guitar sleep x going 3 months = bnn's life.

4a) alot of random thinkings lately. feel like going more into photography. discovering the things we see daily in a different perspective. oh my i'm turning in to a artsy fartsy pigsy man. -.-

4b) to friends and ppl of my age reading this. ok this is dedicated to my good buddy vincent la. aye brother this is life. taking it up and letting it go is part and parcel of life. i guess we all have to learn it. perhaps us the hard way? i dunno. why not let's keep to the promise of not touching such stuff till after ns (such stuff? LOL)

4bi) whoa 4bi is wad shit. of course it's related to 4b. my general advice to the current females out there (well if i sounded sane i hope) is that to get a partner that is self providing (a good negative example would be me). a partner who have a stable job, not relying on parents for allowance (ow i am =[). preferably someone who have gone to ns already since that'll probably give sg man a fuller experience of life.

i'm saying this because i wanna be such a person and i think this is important in the long run.
but like who cares now right? i do. LOL

5) games? i'm getting sicker and sicker of dota everyday but i have no games to play = GUITAR!

6) cockroaches have been running wild lately in this vicinity. killed 5-6 cockroaches within a week. that's a bad sign.

7) watching simpsons tml, i mean today.

8) after seeing such a long post i believe u ppl would be been satisfied. that also means that i might not post something substantial very soon.

9) i guess i have nothing much to say already also. but b4 i leave lemme announce. KARTINA HAVE NOT BEEN POSTING IN HER BLOG FOR SOMETIME. HOUND HER GUYS CMON!!!!

10) last but also the least, bye bye

2007-07-26T20:00:00.000+08:00

i feel stuck.

i feel as if i'm still stuck in the past.

the past where you were there.

i knew i have to get out.

but i'm still stuck now.

it'll still take time.

2007-07-23T00:43:00.000+08:00

hmm stan's bday celebration today!
so HAPPYBDAY STAN LOL =x

hmmmmmmmm

on the whole i enjoyed today

bla.

i felt that i have alot to say but suddenly dunno wad to type.

till then.

2007-07-22T03:59:00.000+08:00

clearing up the room today.

still quite abit left.

i found the following items. that had some significance.

my nikon s1 camera

all artbooks and guitar books.

one unread investing book.

carpenter's album

new dvd burner.

some guitar tabs and chords i printed.

ang pow money + personal savings.

scattered drawings from a folder all over the place (no idea why)

left over super sculpey that i bought.

your letters and drawing.

your address on my small notebook.

regarding all these items i'll talk about it in the next post.

but your letters and drawings...

hm.

i tidied my stuff to one extent that i felt
1) lazy to
2) lost about how i should tidy it and what i should throw.

so i said to my mum:' uh i tidy until i dunno how to tidy liao'

she said: 'throw away wads not needed and what you dun want lor.'

but for some reason i still haven clear up all my stuff now lying all around which extends to the living room.

should i throw ur stuff away?

i guess. only when i am able to throw them all away then i'll be able to let go.

but for now i cant.

2007-07-21T04:32:00.000+08:00

hm.

it's been pretty long.

time is needed.

4 34am lol.

talk more maybe tml hm.

2007-07-18T23:35:00.000+08:00

post 416.

the mrt track cats (ideas copyrighted by bnn dun even think of it lol)

there were no records. no clues of these normal looking animal.
cats.

some how they just had a different air around them. especially those under the mrt tracks.

sitting with their limbs underneath the body just like a body of fur with a head.

as in they have live thru their lives thoroughly.

nothing escapes their eyes.

they aint really idling.

looking for a moment.

looking for a chance.

for us to notice this unique air around them.

little do we know wad these creatures are.

bla.
restless mind. restless mind.
put my restless mind to peace

2007-07-18T01:31:00.000+08:00

if you are grant a chance to either go back in time 1 year or catch a glimpse of what you will be like in 10 years. what will you choose?

cmon answer me readers lol.

i personally dunno yet.

if it's earlier i'd probably choose go back 1 yr. cos i'll be able to get away from u.

but now hm... a lil too late. 10 years later might be a good choice.

enough of that.

work is killing me.
i seriously need to kick the habit of slping late (1.35am now)

yeung pls come back asap to save ur dying friend. lol

what am i supposed to say.

good luck on finding ur ipod if u actually do read my blog.
bla.

zzzzzzzzzzz time

2007-07-16T01:48:00.000+08:00

yay had buffet with my fyp groupmates and ms grace + friend at novena

food choice: so so. will comment later on

taste: ok, passable, not fantastic. beef in particular tends to be overcooked.

atmosphere: not bad, since we're sitting outside where there's a 'waterfall' a wall that water falls. wadeva LOL. pretty cooling. inside looks hmmmm kinda normal. whitish and palace-ish.

price: for the food choice and taste it seems way to ex. 36+++? thanks to our dear ms grace, we can have this dinner free. thanks again!

fun meeting with these peeps once again woot.

lately this unknown mellow feeling has been following me.

i gather there are a few reasons

1) too much looping of theme of love by nobuo uematsu. a lovely piece of music he made for FFIV. his earlier works are better. anyway this song isnt terribly sad but it gives u a tinge of reluctance to let go of something.

2) involved in too much time-related story/games/tv chrono trigger, cross, to get unstuck in time, the girl who leapt thru time, split second. makes me think alot about the past present and future.

3) i need my well deserved breaks. fyp and iap have been draining my motivation, inspiration, willpower, positivity in full speed. cmon it's week 8. 5 MORE WEEKS CMON!

4) i haven got over you and i gather it'll really take some solid time to get it done and over with.

5) my chio supervisor is gone so motivation lvl drops to abyss of no return LOL

okok.
2 am.
that must be the last reason why i feel nua and stuff. =]

good night

2007-07-13T01:05:00.000+08:00

post 413

been drowning myself in instrumentals

to the extent i dun really feel like listening to pop song

been starting to really appreciate more music

significance of music has grew in my life.

been exploring the difference between my left and right hand. fingers in particular.

anyway back to life,

tower defence stage 3
the lowest level looking yet the highest lvl in terms of difficulty has finally arrived in town.

i'm dying with that 'job'

it's killing my eyes. lol

bla i dun sound talkative do i?

ummm...
i dreamt about u again
i smsed u but u replied in a way trying to shove me off.
like 'wad i am busy now'

lately all dreams regarding u have turned negative.
lol zzzz

2007-07-09T01:07:00.000+08:00

bnn's definition of artist block:

unlike common misconception, you still can draw, perhaps u still can draw well.

but u are not comfortable with wad u're drawing.

u feel that u've reach a bottleneck.

impressive stuff cant seem to impress you anymore

you dun seem to impress urself anymore too

you rethink where your passion lies.

what you really wanna express

what you really wanna create.

but the thing is u have no answer yet.

people if you have all the above symptoms like me, you're probably having artist block.

1 13am.

2007-07-08T21:05:00.000+08:00

hm..

forgot to mention something.

i was on the escalator when i saw the big screen in cineleisure

some trailer where there's umm... yang qian hua. the girl u know ummm shit forgot the english name.

she reminded me of u.

90%

bla.

4 months.

2007-07-08T01:33:00.000+08:00

the post that was posted in normal time

bla lousy title LOL

lemme think how i should start off.

1) the dream that woke me up is amazing seriously. i was an ummm rpg character i guess. well at least it looked like that. but more of those chinese kungfu novel kind. so i was about to challenge the shaolin monk. i charged towards him and commenced the battle. fierce and fast. strong winds blowing like crazy lol. when i woke up realising it was really stormy and windy outside. that was ard 8am++ that i went to slp again.

2) forgot to bring my ez link card OUT AGAIN. wtf is this. i realised every fortnight i'll forget to bring it at least ONCE. nvm i'll kick that habit off.

3) ok hmmm nothing important. my buddy vincent and i ate in yoshinoya before the movie. beef bowls of course. he and i cleared the whole bottle of the chilli powder. well i took ard... at the very least 2/3 of it. blame them for increasing the price of the beef bowl to 6.20

4) the banana who flew through time. i mean the girl who leapt through time. uh it's was really not bad. the concept and stuff. one big plus point was the backgrounds that they painted was really nice. i like makoto's house (the exterior shot everytime).

the story was not what i expected. but i did read from desmond's blog that this movie is great. oh to add on, i watched it at the 1st row. anyway hm... it's not those big time travel saga or heart wrenching tragedy if u're looking for. it's to me some... hmmm... personal experiences. pretty sweet pretty heartwarming. anyway the 1st half of the story is quite hilarious.

generally, very worth watching if u're finding something out of the norm (i mean live action movies and 3d animation like duh right) in theatres. refreshing.

spoiler alert
>
>
>
i just dun really understand how chiaki get the last chance to go back in time
can someone enlighten me? -glares at desmond-

anyway this sucks. can someone explain to me why the bloody hell must they allocate SUCH A SMALL THEATRES TO ANIME? IS THERE ANYTHING WRONG WITH ANIME THAT THEY HAVE TO SCREEN IN SUCH A SMALL THEATRE?! damn it -.-

5) chrono cross -.- wtf i pissed myself quite abit of times. i'm still not used to the battle system sometimes that i will accidentally heal enemies (actually the cursor to point at who u're targetting is not very obvious). so today i played and encountered a difficult boss. 1st time i almost lost AND i healed it accidentally. so i realised i had no chance against it. then i re started the fight after some adjustments of spells and equipment. yay the 2nd time was way easier.
got out of the place and i SWEAR i saved.

due to some reasons i decided to re load the game. my hard fought battle was down the drain. the boss's not dead and i didnt fight him. neither my game was saved ( I REALLY SWEAR I DID).

nothing to say. if i can do some time leaps maybe that'll help me.
lol

long posts. =o

2007-07-06T01:44:00.000+08:00

eh last morning i dreamt of myself..

just gotten a girlfriend! woot! that totally rocked. like one of the best dreams or something recently.

it's like hm. this girl (well if u watch the previous channel u 10pm drama, to get unstuck in time, it's the girl shi jing. dun ask me why it's her. as if i can create my own dream.)

we've been going out for sometime but i dun feel like i really love her
so i told her i think we shouldnt continue.

some drama mama thing then i decided to tell her that this period of absence has made me realise i do love u LOL

wtf and so we got together. woot.

ok la the thing about this is... i woke up feeling refreshed instead of those heavy and dull dreams that drains my life away literally.

nice man.

yay chrono trigger completed. but..... i didnt do the side quests la. way too time consuming. maybe i should find the part about ummm the burning orphanage, a plot that leads to the sequel, chrono chross.

chrono trigger is really perhaps too short i feel but i think it's solid leh. 12 yrs ago wtf.

anyway
reply to yee feng. oie ur reply at ur tagboard hor -.-
can slap u annot ar if not u slap urself ar. wad not insignificant sia.
i miss u leh. when can come out. weekends or wadsnot. if u scared 1 to 1 then we ask papa and ah hock la LOL.
no worries mannnnnn cmon cmonn

=o another considerably long post tonight.

1 50am.

2007-07-05T00:01:00.000+08:00

post 408

no no long posts.

just updating.

lol.

hmmm

at zanarkand progress: i'd say 20% in terms of tab memorising is 25% but skill is u know lol.

hm wad else.

lemme talk about my work.

ok pretty supervisor gone =[

nvm life has to go on.

recently my workload is like tower defense in warcraft.

for those who dunno wad it is:

you are supposed to defend ur 'core/base/heart' from waves and waves of monsters (difficulty increases each wave) by building towers, upgrading them to ensure that they are efficient enough to kill those stupid monsters.

clear enough?

that explain my workload.

last wk's last 2 work day i thought wow i felt free for the 1st time but wtf.
this wk the new wave. back with more forces (no starscream =[)
more difficulty. tighter deadlines.

well. one nice guy there la, no sarcasm when i mean by nice here anyway
he's malay and he's doing some chinese comic so he said to me right at 6 20pm today.

'eh if u free can help me put the chinese text? i've done 8 pages and doing the rest now'

ummm

well i said i'll try to squeeze some time.

currently having how many projects lemme think. 1 2 3 plus my usual workload i'll count it as 4

+ that will be 5. now i'm like a bittorent seeder trying to squeeze some connection to the users all over the place HAHA.

ok that being said, the positive side is that i'm given more important tasks. i'm more trusted (i hope?)
that's to design some characters for some animation thing. no details to be said of course. but great learning experience.

ok back to the line.

'eh if u free can help me put the chinese text? i've done 8 pages and doing the rest now'

my heartfelt reply would be: i'm not free i'm at least worth 500 a month here. but i can try to squeeze some time for u =]

eh wth i typed so much! hmmm. 408 is a nice number.

anyway i successfully gotten chrono chross. yay excited. played for a while and still find the colors astonishing. it's a work 8 yrs ago. or i would say 9-10 yrs ago considering it's actually published 8 yrs ago. woot!

i'd love to learn one of it's nicest song, radical dreamer.

oh anyway my favorite female RPG character is not tifa, yuffie, aeris or wads not but still kid from chrono cross.

cos she's hot! LOL um.. i mean cute.

ok long post. that's it.

2007-07-02T00:40:00.000+08:00

feeling sick after using too much computer.

i literally mean by that.

i played chrono trigger for way too long till i lose my focus everytime i look at the screen that i have to squint now.

very bad.

i have to limit myself properly.

well i'm still did my freelance too, on a very nauseated mode (like how i am blogging now).

but hmmm chrono trigger is a nice rpg with some interesting story so i played on.
plus it was the prequel of chrono cross, my 2nd favorite, if not favorite rpg game as far as i remembered.

that being said, i started dling, oops i mean... getting chrono cross again to know the story better.

why, i didnt even know the story la. cos.. i was young LOL.
but to me at that time the gfx and colors were absolutely captivating.

i think my guitaring has been improving constantly. just need to push a lil more.
train more pinky and i should be able to play and sing goodbye days in no time.

whee.

that's it for today.

slping real soon.
feeling giddy.

2007-06-30T02:33:00.000+08:00

hmmmmmmm

how long has it been.

3+ months i guess.

time flies.

i wonder how long i'll take to get over.

bla.

anyway transformer's nice

nvr been a fan of transformers cos the song sound stupid LOL

eh but this movie is crazy. the rendering and compositing =oooooo

what else can i say hmmmmm... the ending is kinda abrupt.

more critiques on the camera angles at times. sometimes the fight scenes u can really catch no balls who's fighting with who.

Oh.... starscream, who's part of deceptiCORN. his name in chinese (as shown in the subtitles) is xing1 xing1 jiao.

think it about like.. wad if there's one that's called lazyscream or auntiescream.

wtf -.-

ok inspiring yet scary stuff.

guitar's been slowly progressing.

there's alot of things i wanna learn. i mean ummm new songs and stuff.

but most importantly for now i must train up my weak lil pinky.

got my 1st official pay check in my life this wk.

500.

fact of me: i nvr bank in a cheque before = i gave it to my mum and asked her to teach me when she's free.

interesting thing about iap is..

ok maybe i should say weird, but in a good way.

as days go by i feel that my workload is getting lesser.

hm. is it really this way or have i gotten faster? LOL

doesnt matter at least i'm relaxing much more compared to the intial weeks

that doesnt mean i'm am not productive though.

i finished my work till my supervisor say: go slack ba.

LOL

but she's leaving the company next wed =[ no more pretty supervisor.

at least i still can see 'YUI'

kinda feel that she's really cute as day go past.

ok her giggle added at least 30 points to her cuteness (thanks to the real YUI)

well i feel lucky lol.

hmmmmmmm i hope i'll not be this autistic in the company for the coming days cos it's just quiet. i mean it's me. i'm pretty much shutting myself unless i need to communicate with my supervisors and ppl who assign me tasks.

okok i'm yawning like mad.

2 45am.

moooo

2007-06-28T00:59:00.000+08:00

i dreamt about you again.

looked hopeful in the dream but i know this is really just a dream.

lol.

can u just disappear from my life.

i'm not even looking at ur pic or wadeva!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

pls lemme have a good slp

2007-06-26T01:30:00.000+08:00

it started raining heavily in this night.

my bday wasnt wished this way from you.

good night.

lemme have a good slp please. lol

2007-06-24T19:13:00.000+08:00

oh another post right after the one just now

lemme do a mini tribute to drea -.- (as requested LOL)

her name is

Andrea Koh Hui Ling

(Ahn-Dree-Ah Cold (ok no 'd') Who-whee ling) - brought to you by babelbanana pronunciation analyser.

nick names are..

hamster. bitch (copyrighted by BNN), drea, hydrea (hydra from warcraft), yoda (short and green), drearie (ew act cute), xtyncia (wth how do u even pronounce that properly? i got it right though!)

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

ok la the bitch who went thru alot with me
i can confidently say it's my best female friend, best chatting partner (right word?) online and stuff.

aye pause. say until like i love her alot. she got her oil (yew) ok!
lol. aiya. when friendship gets deeper. it's really hard to say anything much. cos u know it's there.

best wishes to yew and you LOL for ur 9th month and the many 9th months in future.

pass me some goodwishes also ok.

AYE. my job is complete! LOL
now u owe me something worthy on ur blog too! LOL

ok but those were true from me la duh.

2007-06-24T16:10:00.000+08:00

been playing guitar alot lol

till my fingers really hurt

ummm
and i have this stupid habit of removing the thick layer of dead skin on my finger
which removes the protection that enable me to press the strings longer and harder

lol

but whoo

thanks to zq for introing me zanarkand to play!

lol -.- my current progress is the 1st line of the score. can play the 1st line but the last 1/3 of the line is very unstable lol.

but whoo! it's nice!

starting to love guitar more and more.

[2 hours after watching tv and playing guitar during ads]

hmmm

starting to feel my whole arm ache when i stretch

is it because of guitar? =o

bla.

4th week past for iap.

that means? pay?! =oooo

i have my plans for a lot of things i wanna buy lol

1st of all that's of upmost importance is a personal com

getting one has nvr been easy for me without any income at all. but suddenly due to freelance, safety at work and iap

my 1st official income is coming.

next is... um...

one mp3 player to replace my dead ipod.
i want a mp3 with radio function! but ppl says creative sucks. and ipod doesnt have such function -.-

next...
i believe if those 2 are settled i should still have money.
i have 2 options. a gaming console or a new and much better guitar.

let's analyse this 2.

common: both will take up quite abit of my time.

guitar pros and cons: certainly will feel way better with a better guitar than wad i'm having now. i tried a good guitar b4 and i can feel the difference really. and that means i'll be really set to play guitar really properly and well. cons... ummm is there any? no idea =o

console pros and cons: ds sounds tempting anyway. ok pros... fun, relaxing destressing interactive. can play with friends and stuff. cons! ummmm it's basically a life sucking device. doesnt really improve any side of my life. i'll lose concentration on guitar and my design works.

after comparing i think. getting a guitar is way more worth while.
ds will get outdated with time but guitar doesnt.

i'll still consider for time being.
maybe i'll buy a guitar when i really do improve quite abit.

hmmm seems that my blog post is more solid lately. i mean with more content and stuff. lol

why
do i seem to dream of you still.
but that really reminds me of 1 litre of tears.

aya ( the lead actress who suffered from terminal illness) had dreams oftenly about her running around playing basketball freely like she used to be.

she's actually wheelchair bounded. but she often had such dreams.
until one day. she finally dreamt that she's sitting on her wheelchair. then, she knew she already accepted the fact that she could no long be what she used to be.

i dreamt about you.
i dream about me treating u as invisible even though u were just really near me.

this is the most vivid dream i've had recently.

what else can i say?

where are you anyway.
lol.. haha

2007-06-18T01:27:00.000+08:00

well

replying to wad lis said on my board.

such posts only come once every 400 post LOL

nah.

we shall see.

maybe like lucky 777 or hmmmm 911 995 999

well who cares.

what is the sun is gone.
will the world still survive without its warmth.

what will the world be without the sun, along with the moon.

what will come and what will go?

concept in progress. copyrighted by yes ur banana. well i mean BNN.

well.
u are still as nonchalent as ever.

good bye to you.

uh who can end me this song by michelle branch?
lol

2007-06-17T03:14:00.000+08:00

Properly

ok.

i wanted to just type properly as title and blog as usual. but i see that this is my 400th post to this dear blog that has been with me since 2004

3 years.
3 years of ups and downs. sadness and happiness. from secondary school to this final year of my poly life. to a teenager to someone entering 20s in no time.

dear blog, i would like to thank you for being for me whenever i need you.
i bet 5 yrs down the road this blog will still be around. for i just like this name alot. haha silent cries =p

just to note now the time is 3 16am. which explains why i didnt really wanna post properly lol

real properly now.
lemme intro my favorite singer that has entered my heart.

Life
been normal.

YUI
my life is fill with her presence.
this 20 year old powerful girl sings well. composes her own song. aiya.
wads not. check it out urself. i have too much to say.
oh to add on, her name is spelt in caps. that's official.

IAP
well iap's kinda hectic + freelance. it's literally eating up my soul quite abit (this is where YUI comes to feel my soul! lol)

i dunno if iap's really that horrible. but hey cmon i dreamt that iap has ended and the gang is celebrating the end of it. to my horror, i woke up to realise it's time for work. LOL

well. nuff said about the negative stuff in iap. it's not exactly bad anyway. i get to train my speed in flash and photoshop. getting more proficient as days past. the best bonus in iap is

1) my supervisor is quite cute looking and she's nice person; corrects my careless mistakes for the job she assigns me and did not reprimand me at all. uh i'm not this kind of person. i will ask you to correct urself and warn u about it. well... she stresses me quite abit sometimes though. the start of iap i suppose.

2) a girl in my workplace who looks like YUI somehow. her giggle is the one that totally resembles YUI's. cmon man. that totally rocks. though i dun talk to her much or anything. but yea... =o haha. wonders if she plays guitar though.

Exercise
know what. it doesn feel good to slack when you know you cant afford to.
yes that's me. the guilty me. i haven been exercising and eating properly.
didnt lose any weight. i think i maintained but i feel less fit.

this is bad. i'm planning something to salvage this.
most importantly i have to build up my motivation again.

life is too short to live in such obesity. LOL

see i actually take this topic seriously.

oh wait. please remind me that 'running is a nono because my knees will be damaged' is a great excuse that will snowball into a scary consequence when i go army.

more swimming also. i need to get my tan back.

Guitar
is in a bad condition. i mean the guitar itself.

but my interest for guitar has been constantly there.

my fingers are slightly more flexible than last time. i can play some chords better (barres especially). chord progress improving as well. i've been trying to practice the major scales to improve on my finger accuracy and well as speed too.

been trying to get my sense of rhythm right as well.
i mean my sense of rhythm should be very well ok but when i need to sing and strum at the same time it's omg disaster!
looking at videos, air strumming in mrt. wads not.

so far it's progressing slowly but positively.

oh oh i'm learning good bye days! (well YUI-ness again)

Friends
are fun!

i mean like duh.

few friends i've mentioned in the earlier posts; including fyp and my oh5oh3 gang.
oh and ah hock.

this paragraph is dedicate to potato/kartyfarty/peesama/kartthefart/tina. well i said happy bday to her yesterday already but! yes. happy belated potato day my love! congrats on getting your ds and i hope ur fyp will be a smooth sailing one. more choco bubble tea for you! lol muacks i dun love and your dodge is disabled totally in this blog of mine. -MUACKS-

this paragraph is dedicate to feng jie. dear feng jie, stay strong man. it's not going to be easy but in lives it's inevitable that we have ups and downs. no matter what happens the world will still orbit around the sun. but i hope things go well for you! hope to see you soon la. so long nvr see you..

ok next. introing 2 iap buddies. one is lee yeung. cmon i wont call him hou yeung cause i think lee yeung is much nicer LOL! same company as me. but doing storyboards. another one is lixiong aka bear aka kuma. works in the same company as zqzqzq. just nice we work very near each other so 4 of us have lunch pretty much everyday unless there's anything cropped up. 9 more weeks to go

Wrapping Up
ok i'm sure that this post has been properly done filled with meaningful and clear contents.
this marks my 400th post.

in the last section. i'd like to blog something a lil emotional perhaps.

to you
i haven really forgotten you. every now and then memories regarding you flash past to remind me of you. dreams as well. but it's apparent that there's no turning back. it's ok. if it's so easily forgotten, all my bits and pieces of feelings will seem insignificant and fake.

i heard you've gotten lazier in work. i wish u'd improve more now that i'm not there to distract and cause any trouble in your life. i dun even know if u actually frequent this blog anymore. but well these are just my goodwishes.

to me
as a usual quote i always say. in life we know we can we sad and down at times. knowing that, we have to also know that we must be able to get up and recover in times as the sad times are just merely breaks in between. i'm doing that now.

to blogger
this section shouldnt exist. but due to my frustration after having to edit my entries again and again just cause u mess up my font size. DAMN U!

to everyone
thanks for reading this PROPERLY written post. and cmon after reading so much just give me a tag la. thanks for everyone who frequents my blog and tag my board. what else do i say uh...... visit again! LOL

THE END

2007-06-12T01:51:00.000+08:00

gonna blog properly soon.

lol

2007-06-09T15:43:00.000+08:00

are you just a pretty face.

i cant seem to get over this.

how are you now.

uh.

lol.

forget it.

anyway. there's someone in my work place who resembles YUI somehow.

woot! haha =x

2007-06-09T04:10:00.000+08:00

i love guitar and YUI.

2007-06-06T01:15:00.000+08:00

i just feel like click on the 'create post' button.

i dun really have anything to say.

eh...

i'm not sad or depressed.

LOL

yea.
i still. subconsciously visit ur blog daily.
do you read my blog?

bla.

does that even matter?

work tml!
or rather today~!

chiong arrrrrrr

2007-06-05T00:51:00.000+08:00

so.

you didnt see my wish.

but yea.

doesnt matter.

i'm gonna move on.

wad matters most now is YUI LOL

i love YUI.

really.

2007-06-04T01:23:00.000+08:00

bday gone.

well.
it's the most memorable bday.

i have my friends celebrating with me the 1st time

feeling a lil bad for them treating me! but haha... my turn will come i guess! =D

well emo time

introducing my dear friends who celebrated with me

stanley aka stan/oily(insert anything that suits) - ppl call me sandy for a start but yea. tall and skinny guy. feel so bad that u took leave for my bday =o this guy took photos for design funds with me. in all sorts of funny and weird position. craps alot. hell lot! we pinch each other nipples! LOLLL

liesl aka lissy - ppl call her liusek for some reason. she resembles a great (trying to)flying creature call ostrich. just like ostrich, she's extremely violent in certain circumstances. she's extremely animated and well... passionate about THIS KNEE. i mean disney. great girl, another love of mine.

kartina aka karty/kartyfarty/tina/potatomama/pee-sama - ummm she likes polygonal butts. but lately she have fallen for me! yea. YET ANOTHER LOVE OF MINE. for some reason she adores fictional character(where she can nvr be with) alot. like someone call... binsent? binsent balentime or something. she have difficulty with circular motion and can be easily subdued with it!

last but not least

my darling (ok actually is stan's one)

andrea aka hamster/X/drea/xtynera/yoda/shortshort/bitch - my drear friend who have always been with me whenever i'm down. my bitch! she thinks in a very similar way like me! so yea we bitch alot. RIGHT BITCH =o well another thing i must credit is.. her shortness... WHAT ELSE? =x

these friends are dear to me! haha

okok....
another buddy who didnt celebrate with me, WHO DIDNT EVEN TREAT ME when we eat at yoshinoya on the eve of my bday.

yong hock aka H(for hentai)/ah hock/hockie/hockcock - aiya. been my buddy since sec sch. wad can i say. ummmmmmm loyal to friends. passionate about work. constantly improving. but HE DIDNT TREAT ME ANYTHING FOR MY BDAY DAMN IT! LOL

so you only deserve this few lines from me! =ppppp

whooo lengthy posttttt =o

2007-06-02T03:14:00.000+08:00

do i know u?

do you know me?

i think we both, nvr did know each other at all.

ok 3 15am i'm typing with eyes half closed.

you...

2007-05-31T14:10:00.000+08:00

Listening to Katherine McPhee's Ordinary World.

a streak of tear flowed down when i think about you.
i asked myself if i hate you

i dunno the answer.

it's just painful. i dunno the rest.

anyway.
i hardly talk about my fyp
and now it's over.

lemme officially introduce my team

Zhi Qun aka zqzqzq - the badminton/rigging/animation guru
he's fun, responsible, lame, loving with his ylylyl. without him i dunno how this team will become!

Hui Fen aka big head - the sha da jie who isnt sha at all. all the textures and props placement all done my her ok! ok la just that she name file abit diao only. a folder call (i i remember correctly) "final textures(can be deleted)"

See Jay aka CJ/lengzhe/kan jie lun - the animator the compositor. handled one of the toughest animation and saved my ass for compositing. oh oh oh. and most of all, he modelled whole damn props! but behold his coldness! watch your words or u will frozen! HAHAHAHA

Kingston aka Too Thai Long/kingstone/jing si dun - the GAY! who did the 2d drawings for props and the one who created the legendary bible. though he works slow and often get shoots by me. in the end i guess he's a valuable member. just look at all the impressed faces of the lecturers while flipping thru the bible!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST

Kaiyun aka My Yun/my love - the power girl who did lighting and rendering. cmon all the outlines WERE FREAKING DONE BY HER. tremendous patience and responsibility. well must really really credit her for being very responsible as she even come down to do work when she's sick. when every stayed overnight and cmi le, she continued to work and work. SOMEONE tell ME. HOW CAN I DUN LOVE HER? LOL

well...

then it's me

Yee Long aka bnn - some animation some modelling some compositing. hahahaha

i can only say.
i never feel so much for a team i've work with b4
i love fyp
i love the ppl

so people, please enjoy ur fyp for it's something you can never get outside

hmm i'm getting emotional HAHA
=p

2007-05-29T02:10:00.000+08:00

restarted my com

seems to be a breeze compared to last time.

but still took quite some time to.

you, yes you.
i really dunno if u even will look at this

but i pasted my below entry from my livejournal just for you.

can u freaking delete me from ur links?

it's hard to be like this but i can only say
you dun deserve to put my existence anywhere you like.

anyone i know seems more precious than you.

wadeva.

anyway today's 1st day of iap
interesting in some ways.

i finally get to learn how to use flash in the proper workflow

might be tedious and repeating in the long run but i guess
it'll be extremely good training for me

i'll be equipped with so many skills

2d 3d fundamentals

i miss the fy group =o

2007-05-29T01:41:00.000+08:00

i need way more time.

the time i needed ur absence, you appear in front of me time and again

time and again

you had to appear infront of me to show me how happy you are in front of others

i hate

i hate your laughter, i hate your giggle, i hate your smile

when they were right in front of me, as if they are mocking at me on YOUR purpose.

i feel so.

i think u were doing it on purpose.

stop that innocent facade and get things right.

by saying dunno wont help things.

your voice is piercing

your existence really stings

why did i even let myself go into such a situation in the 1st place

this 3 months will be a great break from you.

my birthday wish..
i hope that u will nvr. appear in my life again. EVER.

how i wish u will look at this entry and cry or at least feel sad

but i know YOU WONT EVEN feeling a TINGE of sadness

dun even mention.

just from your razor sharp happiness i can feel it

like pressing a pen knife trying to pierce it in my skin

slowly moving it around once u're in it.

you are cruel.

so cruel.

2007-05-24T01:48:00.000+08:00

ur presence stings innocently

2007-05-21T02:04:00.000+08:00

coldness or innocence.

i believe it's coldness.

wad do u think?

have you been reading my blog?

i guess not.

haha

why should i even think and care.

i dunno.

fyp ending and now i'm still in sch

2 11am

lol..

taiyou no uta photobook is up!
i can finally get it yay.

i dunno wad i should hope for my bday.

i dun really hope u will disappear in my life

but it seems to be the truth that i'll probably feel better with u disappearing in my life as a whole

u will probably feel better too. or do u actually feel anything at all?

2007-05-17T23:26:00.000+08:00

more than nothing

less than a stranger

it's been flashing thru my mind

how 'good' we were as friends

yet your conclusion can be that u have nothing else to say to me

on the other hand, even kaiyun whom's just my team mate, someone whom i disturb everyday

can just talk to me, even if it's some irrelevant thing which just makes the friendship better lol

why?

and the fact that u've been around all the time doesnt make anything better.

i hope IAP will wash u off my mind.

2007-05-15T00:34:00.000+08:00

were you at a lost?

when we meet in the walkway.

when your steps didn't know where to move

where you hesitated to wait for protection

i forced my eyes to ignore you.

yet my heart felt it undeniably.

piercing.

2007-05-14T01:56:00.000+08:00

are you really that cold?

or you have feelings untold?

what faith do you hold?

are you even there

can't find you anywhere

heart starts to tear

tearing apart to see if you even care.

it was all i could give

probably i was naive

but that was all i wanted to receive

yet all i can do is to deceive

nothing's left in my heart

as we start to part

i thought i will be okay

till i start to decay

i know you're never there

like you never ever care

bla.
i'm ok
just wanna type some random words that rhyme.
i shall do that for chinese words so i can write songs

2007-05-13T15:56:00.000+08:00

it is not exactly very very sad

but it is lonely

the tune

the way it's been sung

love the electric guitar playing at the back.

the only drawback; is that it made me miss you more.

小茉莉请记得我不要把我忘记

2007-05-13T15:49:00.000+08:00

dedicate for you.

《小茉莉(杨丞琳)》
清晨下了一场雨露水沾湿了小茉莉
白色花瓣纯洁又清晰地闻著你的呼吸
晚风吹拂青草地夕阳染红了小茉莉
微笑绽放不言也不语看不透你的秘密
月光静静薄暮笼罩小茉莉
凝视著你舍不得离开你
月光静静薄暮垄罩小茉莉
等候著你走进我的梦里
小茉莉是否你会把我忘记
小茉莉请记得我还在这里
小茉莉在枝头上自然美丽
小茉莉请记得我不要把我忘记

dunno
when i listen to this
i feel very.
i cant describe.

...

if giving up something is ever so easy.
haha

2007-05-13T04:06:00.001+08:00

i miss u.

yet it's painful to feel ur presence

2007-05-13T04:06:00.000+08:00

i miss u.

yet it's painful to feel ur presence

2007-05-10T01:21:00.000+08:00

lol it's good to see that more ppl are actually knowing YUI!

like some ppl in my msn contacts i see their nick hahahaha

good.

psychoed more ppl to know YUI as well LOL

she rocks!

anyway the real reason why i'm bloggin now is

i dunno why i suddenly have this thought of relief that i'm still like this.

i dun actually know wad i mean by that too

but.

being single isnt a bad thing, esp when u dun really have a choice.

at least ur money is ur money
ur trouble is ur trouble
your worries are ur worries

it's nice to be alone at times.

i can say vulgar as i like LOL

i can do my own work at my own time

no big deal lol.

i hope i'm not deceiving myself but right now i dun feel i am

2007-05-08T22:58:00.000+08:00

reply to ritz; guitar slowly progressing. but i think i am slowly improving in terms of chords. but in the span of learning, i really realised my left fingers are more spastic than right ones. -.- still have to train my pinky biggggggggg time =o

.......

...

nvm.

nothing else i say matters.

2007-05-08T01:24:00.000+08:00

still pretty constipated.

i dun feel depressed or all hopes are lost.

in fact it shouldnt be this way.

i just need a break from everything.

2007-05-07T01:20:00.001+08:00

even with it removed.

i still visit that today.

it's a habit already.

..

2007-05-07T01:13:00.000+08:00

now my feeling is like my fingers.

slowly getting seasoned as the fingertips' die off to harden as a protection to play guitar better.

now it's still painful but it's slowly getting seasoned.

for the guitar part, i am happy about it.

regarding you.
i dunno.

i got the feeling one day i could possibly go crazy and run right in front of you, in front of everyone. and say things i have never been able to say in real life.

be it courage or opportunity where i both lack at appropriate times.

but i guess there wasnt anytime where it was appropriate.

haha.

i dunno what i'm thinking.

2007-05-06T02:04:00.000+08:00

i wonder if i should throw away those letters.

what seemed so precious to me

cant really bear to.

anyway.

if u're reading this blog.

just do me this last favor, in fact u've been owing me.

complete the collab.

thanks

2007-05-06T01:53:00.000+08:00

good bye girl

good bye girl

good bye my feelings for you

good bye girl

good bye girl

it's no turning back for real

good bye girl

good bye girl

now i wonder how you feel

memories searched past me every inch

now the pain is starting to grip me through

through this lonely night

good bye girl

good bye girl

what will come without you

good bye girl

good bye girl

now it's time for me to part

good bye girl

good bye girl

good bye to the girl in my heart.

2007-05-05T21:21:00.000+08:00

it's gonna be a painful night.

i'm not exactly quite alright

waiting for the sunlight

i'll try to sleep tight

bla i'll go compose some chinese songs.

2007-05-05T19:02:00.000+08:00

be gone with bad past

i have good friend, i have food family. i have good skills and future!
that's my 1st neoprints

hahaha so fun with stan and drea
makes me feel like a complete person again

got a 4 gb thumby for 55 bucks and fixed my hdd!

haha...

life isnt bad.
=]

2007-05-05T12:43:00.000+08:00

you're simple minded.

and that kills.

i hate the way you sound so happy and cheery
when things aint going that way.

i hate it when u say you're not exactly forced
just that you tried to find excuse to talk even when u have nothing else to say to me

i hate it when everything you see it's just so surface level

i hate it when i realise that my life will be better with u out of my sight

in my life i've nvr gone to this extent to chase someone out of my life
but you took it simple.

kindness is not needed here.

simplemindedness dun work here

i'm not an angel or a saint

friends, i doubt that'll nvr come again for your simplemindedness
and a simple 'i dunno why i treat you like this'

you are not worth.

dun bother appreciating any thing

they aint true in the 1st place.
be thankful of that fact that i'm chasing you out of my life.

a pest gone

i dun need such meaningless friendship.

i'm learning as it goes.

well for that.
i dun blame you.
i only hate the way you see things.
i blame my foolishness

so why not hate me too.
thing'll be better that way.

remove me from ur blog.
i dun need that fake status anyway.

2007-05-04T23:22:00.000+08:00

i dunno

i guess i shouldnt talk at all

i think today or even lately i keep pissing ppl off or letting ppl dun dare to get close to me

but yes

you.

do me a favor.
i feel ok and well and normal without ur presence
i feel good without u talking to me

i get uneasy when you are in my sight
i feel pissed when you talk to me

so my favor is, get away from me
i'm not ordering you around or wad.
well it's inevitable that we will see each other around

so why not just treat me as transparent and i think doing that is easier for both you and ME. if you dun think it's easy then just then treat me as transparent as a favor from me

i hate it when you're just showing ur kindness like it's obliged to
talk to other strangers or whoever i wont even care or wad

just dun talk to me and just treat me as transparent
i think i should be grateful to you

well a part of me seems lost but i think i live more normal than ever without that.

i know you're a simple minded person

those are just my thoughts

so now, leave me alone from now on =]

hai..
YUI shall heal my soul.

2007-05-03T01:33:00.000+08:00

i love YUI

and life goes on without dreaming.

without you

not like it's of any real significance in the 1st place, i guess.

i shall get all of YUI's hi res MTVs

I LOVE YUI

2007-05-01T02:37:00.000+08:00

nothing pessimistic really.

but i guess u're fine as u are now.

i'm always the one who thinks too much.

life seems totally ok for me, just that tinge of unwillingless to let go
that you can never feel.

well having said so much i do wonder if u know who u are.

i guess
you happy can le ba.

even though i really hate to say that haha

and i cant provide that even as a friend no matter how i try.

..

2007-04-30T00:18:00.000+08:00

edited version, collaborated with drea.
it's still for you though.. -.-

My Dream

[Verse]
You're telling me
It's all my dream
You're asking me
To take it easy
You never know
How much you meant to me

You say we're friends
It's all the same
Sometimes I feel
Like I'm not there
I've never known
How much I mean to you

[Pre-Chorus]
I've tried
I've tried to let it go
I've cried
I've cried as tears just flow
I really don't know

[Chorus]
I wanna fly high,
Fly into the sky.
I don't wanna know,
Where we will go.
Until that day,
I'll always stay
As long as you don't say

I wanna fly high
Fly into the sky
I don't wanna guess
Where we will go
I'll never know
If this will end
I guess I'll still move on

And it's okay

[Verse]
You're telling me
It's all my dream
You're asking me
To take it easy
You never know
How much you meant to me

You say we're friends
It's all the same
Sometimes I feel
Like I'm not there
I've never known
How much I mean to you

[Pre-Chorus]
I've tried
I've tried to let it go
I've cried
I've cried as tears just flow
I really don't know

[Bridge]
Just let me dream for today
Cos I'm filled up to the brim
I wanna meet you in my dream.
Whatever you say.
Whatever you say.

[Chorus] x2
I wanna fly high,
Fly into the sky.
I don't wanna know,
Where we will go.
Until that day,
I'll be okay
As long as you don't say

I wanna fly high
Fly into the sky
I don't wanna guess
Where we will go
I'll never know
If this will end
I guess I'll still move on

And it's okay
(fade out)

2007-04-29T21:06:00.000+08:00

cant stop listening to YUI's My Generation

she's on a spree really

and this song is really great
moreover, the mtv blew me away

i love YUI so muchhhhhhh

i must buy her album asap, cant take it anymore

other than that it's been restless
...

2007-04-29T19:34:00.000+08:00

i think this is really the 365th post after so much deleting of posts here and there.

whole day.

2007-04-29T01:13:00.000+08:00

this song is written for you.

My Dream

[Verse]
You're telling me
It's all my dream.

You're asking me
To take it easy.

You never know
How much you meant to me.

[Verse 2]
You say we're friends
It's all the same

Sometimes i feel
Like i'm not there

I've never known
How much i mean to you

[Pre-Chorus]
I've tried
I've tried to let it go
I've cried
I've cried as tears just flow
I really don't know

[Chorus]
I wanna fly high,
Fly into the sky.

I don't wanna know,
Where we will go.

For it's the day,
That you will stay.

As long as you don't say,
Then it's okay.

[Verse]
You're telling me
It's all my dream.

You're asking me
To take it easy.

You never know
How much you meant to me.

[Verse 2]
You say we're friends
It's all the same

Sometimes i feel
Like i'm not there

I've never known
How much i mean to you

[Pre-Chorus]
I've tried
I've tried to let it go
I've cried
I've cried as tears just flow
I really don't know

[Bridge]
Just let me dream for today
Cos I'm filled up to the brim
I wanna meet you in my dream.
Whatever you say.
Whatever you say.

[Chorus]
I wanna fly high,
Fly into the sky.

I don't wanna know,
Where we will go.

For it's the day,
That you will stay.

As long as you don't say,
It's really okay.

Verse 2 contribute by my bitch! Applause for Andrea!

2007-04-28T18:57:00.000+08:00

why????

should i just forget this.

2007-04-28T00:20:00.000+08:00

generally a good day cos i've started to progress quite abit for animation

but when i'm idling or stoning i'm still back to you

it bleeds to be cold

and from then i keep looking at my hp everynow and then hoping u'll ask why i so dao

but nah it was merely my thoughts

nvr expect it to happen anyway.

it hurts really though.

i hardly make any bday wish

but if there's one that'll come true is that i really hope we can at the least just be normal friends

maybe i ask too much

maybe i'm too greedy.

2007-04-27T01:25:00.000+08:00

i'm tired

both mentally and physically

remember, life's nvr simple to think of. it can be one of the most complex things in the whole world

i'll concentrate on my fyp.

2007-04-27T00:00:00.000+08:00

now at my own desk at home blogging.

dun you feel disturbed?

dun you feel uneasy?

if you dun, i do feel that way man.

well it seemed like a good 'restart'

but wad the.

i really talked casually, with no intention of being sarcastic AT ALL

i mean was i ever sarcastic at u?

the way you look at me feels like i've done so much wrong because i talk to u

really, this sucks.

i mean this is the normal me, i talk casually.

i speak direct most of the time

i joke alot, sometimes that i annoy ppl unknowingly

i'm always serious when i talk to you

i'm ranting

i dunno what you went thru for today but

i didnt slp well for 2 days in sch

nvm it's ok, my animation get screwed up

finally gathered up courage to revamp it

it's ok.

saw u over.

i went over with a heaty body and voice

i asked sincerely, though pretty cluelessly

you gave me that cold look with that tinge of hatred wanting me to go away

i hate it.

I REALLY HATE IT

from now on i wont communicate with u unless you want to

i must have sounded like a jerk or a bastard

but really teach me how to do man

how do i treat u so i'm fit enough to really be ur friend?

or what?

or am i too fat? or too ugly?

i really dunno.

but this really disturbs me the whole day.

alternatively maybe just ignore me and i'll get what you mean le

i'm sorry i sound harsh

but i dun wanna hide my feeling when i wanna express this

i in my life try to be overdo things so u will not feel pressured as i like u

but when i treat u like other normal friends with my casual tone u see me as being sarcastic and against u

am i supposed to treat u the way i pursued you or treat you as a friend merely?

i mean my friends have no problem with my tone or what

i dunno

if u really pms i'm sorry
but i dun think wad i said is uncalled for.

sorry.

2007-04-25T02:01:00.000+08:00

lol in sch now

2am and blogging.

pretty much finished a scene which consist of only one shot

yup

having YUI with me to keep me up.

now listening to a some radio program that she hosts lol

super cuteness lol

bla.

okok

wad should i do now hmmmmmm

lol.

ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

2007-04-22T23:36:00.000+08:00

small blisters on the ring finger and pinky

quite happy actually cos yes i'm touching guitar again

no excuse for me actually

middle finger still ok but yea

last time it was yellow and dead and smooth, easy to play

now it's painful to play as the dead skin is gone lol

shall build them back again

build -.-

2007-04-22T13:03:00.000+08:00

hell lot of weird dreams in a night

dreamt that i was given alot of 50 bucks note

dreamt that i was in HMV buying YUI's latest album

dreamt that the album suddenly increase its price to 50+++ bucks and suddenly drop to 30+++

dream that the album was red color, which isnt true in real life

and some other stuffs around that's weird.

bla

2007-04-22T03:58:00.000+08:00

hm suddenly i felt weird.

kinda feel uneasy.

i dunno the exact cause of it

lol

just feeling v weird out of nowhere really.

4 05am now

i better slp, wake up tomorrow, i mean later

and start doing animation diligently

feeling pretty inspired by all the animation links i went over just now.

well this weird feeling will subside i believe. lol -.-

2007-04-21T19:02:00.000+08:00

finally saturday and i finally can take time to rest.

next wk is 8th week and i'm still insignicantly motivated compared to when i was at sp4

and neglected guitar

was quite stoned when was at lis' house yest.

i should practise with short term goals so i can really achieve them. rather than randomly strumming stupidly

the moment i wake up i've been watching romance show wth =.=

it's like one after another on tv -.-

it must be crazy for someone to be with me

hey dun get me wrong i'm not depressed or demoralised.

just being practical.

everyone can say that love would be beyond looks and things like that

let's just be more practical at times.

if you cant be comfortable with the person's physical presence

no matter how good his nature is or how talented he is, it's quite impossible isnt it?

of course, having that said. it's gonna be stupid and wallow in sadness and pessimism

i'm not ugly lol

i'm just obese. well i certainly can see how possible it is to really slim down

it's not impossible that i know. so i'll work it out.

with that
i'd be able to like you with more pride

even though it's kinda stupid knowing in the end i might just still end up alone

but lol in a way it's still worth it as i learn things in life along the way

i'm also quite a naive person who seeks for an ideal relationship too haha

speaking of which.

u can ignore the above part. but yea, how about a sketchbook really?

bla..

think over it?

lol

time to work soonnnnnnnnnn
haha zzz

2007-04-18T01:49:00.000+08:00

ummmmmmmmmmmm

i seriously wad will the future be like.

like ms grace always say. the (fill in the blank) is over before you know it

funny stuff.

watched some shows on sat and it said something so hmmmm

'no matter what i WILL NEVER GIVE UP TO MAKE YOU LIKE ME!'

well that's from a girl in the show
lol

though it's still feeling kinda weird.

2007-04-14T15:07:00.000+08:00

this is more like a drama or a dream.

actually i'm at loss to what to say.

i thought i had alot to say.

argh.

life's ok now.

to me it feels like a new stage and chapter of life.

what about you?

all the feelings, the pain the sorrow that brings to a new conclusion.

the heck.

why need to talk till so chim right. -.-

2007-04-11T00:52:00.000+08:00

been counting cats along the way home under the mrt tracks for sometime

lol

i think 14-5 for today lol

will be sad if there's v little cats

will be smiling if there's alot

so naive LOL

haha.

well.
perhaps it's time to try letter
in a fun way.

2007-04-10T01:48:00.000+08:00

counted 19 cats today.

uh.

you.

2007-04-09T02:23:00.000+08:00

dc-ed while talking to zq -.-

stupid net

reality check - whether i like it or not, i still have to start running. if i dun run now for napfa, for health. i'll still need to run in army.

life's getting interesting.

on another note.
i cant contain it and i still do care.

sounds very very corny. and probably scary.
what can i do?

haha

2007-04-08T20:31:00.000+08:00

why do i act so nonchalent.

2007-04-07T16:44:00.000+08:00

watching badminton videos on youtube

suddenly when stopped to load, i realised the tv drama was saying something like

if you're set to forget someone
will it be so easy to forget?

haha =o

funny line